It is hard for me to believe that three years ago at this time, I was flying out to UCLA and I was scared to death of my upcoming surgery. I had seen Dr. Raz on June 5th 2012 for consult and felt for the first time, someone really gave a crap about my pain and complications and what was even better, and he believed every word I said. That gave me a spark of confidence to get the mesh removed, but it was such a long wait in line for my surgery.
I did everything possible to try to stay well including downing tons of supplements and herbs. I decided I would do whatever it took to keep me well enough for surgery, but I had stopped taking everything two weeks prior to surgery as I was told to. Even before I left I felt the infection hitting me, and I hoped once I saw him, I would be given something to help. I had noticed new symptoms since I saw him that June and they worried me, but I made a joke of it to my daughter because I knew someone other than me should know. I had felt a constant burning up inside my vagina and at times it felt like I was on fire, so I knew something else was happening. It was. Mesh was cutting into my urethra.
I was looking forward to meeting several other ladies out there including one with her husband who had convinced me to be part of a documentary about mesh injury and what it takes away from women’s lives. At that time I had no clue it was all a sham but after I posted my recent blog about it, I received an email from Gay Courter wanting us to chat and make amends. This was one year and three months since she cut me out of her life completely and unfriended me and my daughter from Facebook. I was a little shocked at first, but then realized this is typical. She only contacted me because she did not want any negative connotations connected to her name or their company. One day I will answer her, but not privately. I want everyone to know what I said and I truly do not expect a response anyway, nor do I wish to speak to her ever again.
So for the ladies who like me became part of something we believed in, this was part of her email and you should know this right now.
“The film project is not going forward.”
So now we all know the truth three years later. I will never trust her, Jane Akre nor Aaron Horton again, nor anyone else involved with them. You can read the blog I wrote about the Documentary That Wasn’t, here
By the time I began doing the tests before my removal surgery, the infection was so bad I felt really ill and of course I couldn’t pee when asked to give a sample for testing. So I was given an immediate shot and went through all the tests because I knew I badly needed to get the mesh out. I have written all about those tests before surgery and you can read about them here
I have heard so many women say they cannot afford to go out there but my question to them three years later is “How can you afford not to go?” Yes, it is scary travelling far from home. Yes it is expensive and yes you have to make sacrifices to do it. I can’t help you make that decision nor help you raise the money. All I can say is I was very, very determined to get there no matter what else I had to give up. Yes, you have to give up something to do something like this which means you have to put yourself first for a change.
I have spoken to countless of women who tell me they don’t have the money. I have seen women’s posts on support groups asking others for money for the immediate needs intruding keeping the cell phone on. I have also listened to women telling me things and I do wonder what on earth they are thinking. For instance one woman told me she didn’t have the money to go to UCLA because she was making payments on a property for her daughter to have when she was gone. Okay I rarely cuss but this brings to my mind WTF. So you are willing to die and leave your daughter a piece of land to remember you by. Are you nuts! Why do you value yourself so little and her future more important than yours?
Yes mothers are very willing to put their young children first and will protect them at all costs, but once they are grown they have to learn that life is not all about them and they DO NOT come first. If not you are sending adult monsters out into this world. If they love you, they will do all they can to help you in YOUR time of need. If not then you are flogging a dead horse because you left it too late.
You may not like the reality, but when they are adults it is too late to change things, so teaching them love, care and respect begins from the time they understand your words.
I am saddened by so many things I have learned during this past three years. Saddened by those who take advantage of our situations and use us for profit. What is more I have had to come to terms with the fact that so many people in this world do not have a moral conscience? That has been very difficult for me to accept, but I had to, to not allow myself to wind up in the same position again.
I have been criticized, black balled and outed by others by horrible things they have said about me, by who say they are mesh injured all because I have tried to give women the truth about what is going on. I am not forcing you to read this blog or all the other blogs I have written. You don’t have to believe me, but for those who do want to know, they have a right to know what is going on and I have a moral obligation to tell them.
I have also been criticized because I am not giving you countless doctors who happen to be in your neighborhood. So once and for all I am going to set this straight.
I do NOT take advertisers here neither doctors nor lawyers and therefore I am not obligated to shove them down your throat. If you want that then go to Jane Akre’s site. She does take their money and she does have an obligation to give them something for their dollars. And she is NOT mesh injured so she has no empathy with what happens to us.
I am not going to share doctor’s names here that I have heard terrible things about or they leave women high and dry after removal because they need more fixing after their removal surgery. I have given you the name of the doctor who removed my mesh because I experienced his skills first hand. I can’t do any more than that, so those who love to leave crap like that in the comments of this blog, you should know you will be spammed.
I am a very nice caring human being but during this past five and a half years since mesh was placed into my body, I have refused to take any more crap from anyone. I have shared all my past three surgeries with you and one day will share about the first two. It has been HELL! So no I won’t have more hell added to what I have already endured, by anyone, woman, doctor or lawyer.
I care deeply what has happened to women, which is why I spend countless hours researching and sharing what you can do to help yourself. But I can only lead you to water and the rest is up to you. What I can tell you is this. I don’t just write about it I live it. I don’t bull…. about what I do, I suck down so many supplements and do all I can so that I can keep warning women who are not injured in hopes they don’t have to live disabled. Yes, I hate it but I am disabled all because mesh implants and the procedures are flawed.
So like me or not, hate me or not, I care far more than any other injured woman on this earth which is why I given this blog so much of my life.
I can tell you now, three years later than getting it all out is the best thing I could do to move forward with my own life. So for those of you who are now struggling after removal surgery, or still waiting to go, I want to give you my positive news. By learning and allowing myself to experiment on me, and stepping away from all doctors who would rather shove me full of pills, I am happier and healthier than I have been in a very long time. I have not had an infection for a long time because I decided to take grapefruit seed extract the last time and it worked. You can read about it here
My daughter orders it on line and this one is the most reasonable one to take and because it is stronger I got rid of any infection by taking one morning and one at night. So if you want to try it, this is the direct link
The last thing I will once again tell you is this. I DO NOT WORK for Dr. Raz nor make money by promoting him. I do not make money from the supplements I write about nor do I make money or collect money from anyone else including Doctors or Lawyers. I am a mesh injured woman just like you, only God gave me the ability to write and share. That is the only reason I do this.
I hope those of you who struggle every day will one day say “I too am three years mesh free!” Yes and yell out
“Hallelujah. Life is good”. Don’t let what has happened to you stop allowing you to wake up in the morning of every day and say to yourself “Thank God I am alive and I am moving forward”
On the 10th of this month I will be celebrating a very special day and I hope you too will celebrate yours when the time comes.